Friday, January 11, 2008

Fun Tina, Bar Talk and Fran's List

No animal was harmed to make this meal- Take that, Bertolucci

One of the conflicts about having a job and writing a blog is that sometimes there isn’t enough time to do it all.Yesterday was a long day. I got home after 9:00 pm. A reception for Italian trade, followed by chat sessions around the bar at Bicé.

What I really want to do is a list. But I have these pictures and they need to be woven in. I don’t know why, but that is the way my mind works. So let’s have at it.

Do we all secretly want to eat dog food in Hell?
I talked with one of my colleagues tonight, on the way home. He is worried about his daughter, because her dog found a tampon in the garbage and ate it. Of course, the dog got sick and had to go in to get unplugged.

Word to the dog – chase something that shows signs of life. Look at the cat chasing the mouse. Do you see a pattern here?

The list
1) Re: Sales - Find the live ones.

Is there nothing today’s chef won’t plug?
Recently Molto Nascario could be found blogging on a website called Serious Eats, called Mario Unclogged. That lasted about 15 minutes. Then he started his own blog and that lasted about as long as it takes to digest one of those hot dogs from street vendors in New Orleans. Yes, Reginald, as you say, "talk about a confederacy of dunces." Heaven help us if he starts hawking for Kohler.

Word to MM – you have enough money – now stop.

The List
2) Re: Livelihood - Sauté or get off the pot.

How many Italians can you fit into a Taxi?
In New York, or Buenos Aires, getting around town in a taxi is a way of life. In Dallas or Houston, not really. Out west, until the oil runs dry or the polar ice caps melt, we will continue to ferry folks around in SUV’s or Minivans. It’s all part of the heritage of the covered wagon culture. Heck of a job, Biondi.

Word to Mimi – you have enough money – now stop.

The List
3) Re: Knowing when to get out- before the cab starts rolling.

Vinitaly is in 82 days – Do you have a room?
Every year, on the day after Vinitaly, I go to a hotel I saw along the way, to reserve for the next year. And every time they tell me they have no room. That is the Italian Funk to me, and that is why Italians will be the last to know that they have collectively been complicit in the funkification of a great country.

Word to Verona – Vegas is watching - and waiting.

The List
4) Re: Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue – or lofty expectations?

Speaking of a blue funk
Lately, everyone I ask, Italian or American living in Italy, have all resoundingly opined that Italy is in deep donkey-doo. A young Sicilian, living in Texas, says it’s because they went off the lire. A Texan-now-Tuscan confirms, even though Bella Italia is wonderful, trying to get things done, without “cheating”, is impossible.

34-year-olds from Italy write me, telling me they want to move to South America. American youth write to me, telling me they want to go work for free in Italy. Who’s on first?

Word to 30-somethings everywhere- even though your parents raised you, in Italy and California, that they loved you just-the-way-you-are, the rest of the world didn’t sign off on that.

The List
5) Re: Having it your way – unless you’re a genius or your family has gazillions – You’re going to have to do it the old-fashioned way: You’re gonna hafta earn it – just like the rest of the folks on earth.

Did someone say donkey?
Whatever happened to the secret Italian wine project, Three Girls and a Donkey? Well the girls are still around, but the donkey got fired. Seems he didn’t want to carry wood down the hill. Thought he was a real estate mogul.

Word to donkeys who buy homes in Brooklyn and stop going to work- The bubble burst. And don’t you look ridiculous walking around your home town in a robe? What would your mother say?

The List
6) Re: Making money without working – It’s like those vibrating exercise machines from the 1950’s. If you don’t sweat you probably won’t last – not in this business.

Fun Tina
“When the legs go, I’ll stop wearing those short skirts”, was the word heard on the street. Well, the old man is gone, and the estrogen is running out. So drink your drink and dance your dance, 'cause it’s 1:50 in the morning and time for last call.

Word to young men looking to bag a cougar at the bar – Get back in your cage. Your nets are out of their range.

The List
6) Re: The End – it’s closer than you think.


Anonymous said...

Whenever I read one of your vinified posts, why is it that I always have to open another tab to google things like "Biondi"? Bikes?

Anonymous said...


The name.. is Plissken.

Jeff said...

Great post, it's rare I'll skim over anything from the Wine Trail in my reader.

Real Time Analytics