There I was staring at the screen when an ad for Tuscani Pastas tried to jam itself past my psycho-blockers.“Hey, there isn’t really a word like Tuscani, is there? Is that like one of those Asian carmakers who misspell Sorrento as Sorento, Siena as Sienna, and now Tuscany as Tuscani?” I thought aloud in an empty room. It really got me after all these years, not only the misspelling. Where in Tuscany does one ever see pasta like that?
I really should have spent more time throwing the baseball as a kid with my Italian neighbor in Palm Springs. You know, the “wine lover” who claimed he was a writer for The Twilight Zone? At least I knew we were telling tall tales when he threw the ball back and forth, waiting for my dad to get back from one of his Big Deal business trips to L.A.
This has been going on for generations and will continue to do so. Marketers will find an easy way to get to their goal, trying to make a quick buck, only to lose it the next weekend on the horses.
$32 and whadda ya get? A cold duo of veggies and a lifeless crab
Last week I had a truly embarrassing meal in New Orleans, at K-Paul’s. When I entered the place, with clients and colleagues, I had this “What happened?” feeling. The kitchen was gone and the simple tables and home cooking feeling of the place was missing. No more $10.95 plates of blackened red fish, no more bottles of Jax, no more struggling chef sitting outside the restaurant asking people to come in for a taste of his cooking.
I’m not sure that’s where Italian wines are going, although some of them seem to have modernized their surroundings a bit, making them unrecognizable. But back to the food.
How can we expect, let alone mandate though a government agency, how Italians should make their wine, when we make such a disaster of their food in America? How many Italian spots are virtual Katrinas in the kitchen? I have seen my share, and not to make light of the ongoing tragedy in one of the great cities in the US, but America's Italian kitchens are in shambles.
We have these entertaining reality shows about cooking, but can’t find a decently cooked piece of fish in America. Yes that’s an exaggeration, but more often than not, I have to find it in someone’s home, not a restaurant. Not complaining, the wine list is better and so’s the service. But, holy moley, in Italy you can still find great food, in home and hotel alike.Some producer friends in Montalcino huddle, awaiting the American backlash. I ask, in a country that thinks overcooked Fusili in a creamy casserole or overstuffed pizza delivered in a cardboard box (that occasionally tastes better then the actual pizza) is the real deal, what are you worried about?
Oh yes, the g-o-v-e-r-n-m-e-n-t. That is something to fret about, the way things are going in the last days of the current configuration.
Let’s say we get through this contrived calamity in Tuscany. Everybody marches in lock-step with their Brunello, all-Sangiovese, all-the-time. Perfect world of wine, finally. Soldera can die a happy man, going to his grave knowing he saved the world from blemished Brunello. Might even get a statue in the square.But when the real deal makes its way to the American shores, will that, or any wine recognize Tuscani Pasta and shout with glee, after making the long boat trip that our Italian ancestors endured? Will the Faithful and True Brunello look upon a cheese stuffed crust pizza and say “Eureka, what have I found?”
Taking a cue from K-Paul’s cold stuffed potato and frigid broccoli shuddering around a lifeless soft shell crab, Born-Again Brunello might wonder when the next one way flight to Italy will be taking off, grab his glass, and head for the nearest exit.






Still, I was in that Riesling trance of late, so that might have something to do with it. Nah, I’m not buying into that.



Finally, all is quiet. It's past midnight and I’ve poured the last glass of 2005 J.J. Prum Graacher Himmelreich Spatlese. Way off the Italian wine trail, and loving every sip.
It’s been a long week. I’m ready to pack it up and take the long weekend. Been getting ready for a seminar I’m co-opting with the resident Master Sommelier, Sir Guy. A few days in New Orleans, for training and education at the Society of Wine Educators annual get together. Our seminar, as Sir Guy named it, Don’t pass over Ripasso, will be lots of fun. After all, we will be in the Crescent City. A little red wine, some jazz, many, many seminars, but all I can think about right now is this glass of Riesling.
Graacher Himmelreich, Heaven will reign. A white goddess this Riesling is and all these years, though I love Italian wine with all of my being, there has to be room for Riesling. When I first started out in this business, I was so damn lucky to be exposed to wines from the Mittelmosel, they are my Burgundy. There, I’ve said it.
So doors seem to be opening, traffic is up, good wine is flowing, a long weekend is upon us and another trip in the wings, this time to New Orleans.

Puttin' her rouge on, Slippin' her shoes on, My baby's gettin' ready to dance
Coming to you baby on a midnight train
I’m a joker, I’m a smoker, I’m a midnight toker
I’m a picker, I’m a grinner, I’m a lover and I’m a sinner
Go on take the money and run
Her lips are red, Her body is soft, She is a movin' volcano
Tired of the war and those industrial fools
Abra-abra-cadabra, I want to reach out and grab ya
Some people call me the space cowboy, yeah. Some call me the gangster of love
Somebody give me a cheeseburger


In the last few weeks I have been mulling over the idea of what it means to be authentic. It seems that, along with terroir and technology, authenticity has a place on the bus. With regards to things Italian, and in my case, being a child of immigrants from Italy in search of the modern American experience, this is a multi-layered area.
How do we perceive our place in our culture? In my case, it’s like this. I was born in California and spent half my life there. So I am definitely a Californian, in fact there are few native Californians around anymore. I've lived in New York and go back there often. Half a lifetime ago I moved to Texas, and I consider myself also a Texan. And yes both set of grandparents came from Italy and both of my parents are of Italian origin, so I am also an Italian. Not like Italians in Italy. But Italian, according to the way I see it.

Wine: The old guys used to slip me a glass of wine, not mixed with water. When I hear that or read it in someone’s memoirs, I want to raise my hand and ask a question. I do not remember it ever happening to me. My grandfather never did it when he gave me a little sip of brandy before I went to sleep. At the table, there was wine. And later on in the 1970’s, somehow, carbonated beverages showed up in the kitchen. But they went with sandwiches, with lunch, as a snack, and rarely. Not for dinner. Coke with my grandma’s roasted lamb? Never. 7-Up with my mom’s spaghetti and meat ball? 7-Up was for when you were sick. It went with her healing chicken soup with acine di pepe. Wine just didn’t taste good when one was puny.
My dad started buying jugs of California wine and putting them in decanters. He was a trickster, liked to impress his business partners. I still remember those wines, mountain red. They remind me of Montepulciano or Cotes du Rhone. White wine? I drink it now and love it. Back then, it wasn’t around. Too bad, my mom’s manicotti would have been pretty good with a Soave or a Gravina. But it was not to be.
I remember asking my mom’s mom once, how she compensated for the loss of her motherland. She left Italy when she was 30, so she had time to get into being an Italian, even if she was dirt poor (They ate well even then). She had been transplanted and re-grafted onto a new country. That was it in her eyes. She never looked back. She became a Native American.
Now, when I hear the chatter and debate of indigenous vs. international, of natural vs. technology driven, of fruity and alcoholic vs. acidic and restrained, I step off the trolley for a minute. And I take a deep breath. And then get back into the battle zone. My shield has a coat of arms on it that explains to friends and foe alike, what I believe in. And this isn’t the first time I’ve said it on this blog.


