Thursday, January 05, 2012

Out with the Old, in with Newton's Italian Wine DOCG +

from the "Pour Me a Little More Wine" desk

Giuseppe Martelli = DOCG                   Wayne Newton = DOCG +
It no longer appears to be a secret that there are 73 Italian wine DOCG’s. Everyone's discovered it. Walter Speller is writing about it for Jancis Robinson’s Purple pages. Giuseppe Martelli is proclaiming it within the pages of Gambero Rosso. Even bristly architechts in Southern Italy are laying claim to advancing the information. We’ve come a long way baby, from Wiki pages describing a scant 23 DOCG’s to various Italian government agencies reporting different numbers. Now the whole world knows. But what Walter Speller or Giuseppe Martelli or the occasional draftsman down South doesn’t know is that a whole new category of Italian wine DOCG has been born. Not in Italy but in the good old U.S. of A. That’s right, what Italy cannot do, America will. And who better to do it than Americans of distant Italian ancestry. So here it goes. You heard it here, first.

The statement:

In order to keep up with the demands of the marketplace and to insure the continued appreciation of Italian wine, we the people of distant Italian ancestry, have so proclaimed the creation of Italian Wine DOCG +. The criteria for the first group of Italian wines selected, the initial 10, are that they be:

1) From a traditional producing region.

2) That they utilize indigenous grape varieties that have been historically established in Italy.

3) That the use of popular blending grapes, such as Merlot, Cabernet or Syrah not be exploited to enhance the wine flavor and garner high scoring points from the dominant and influential international wine press.

4) That the use of oak be only for subtle purpose and not as a flavor substitute.

5) That the wines respect tradition but do not shun technology.

6) That the wines exhibit Italian character and delicious qualities.

Simply these wines offer a solid bulwark for the patrimony of Italian agriculture and viticulture to the world at large and represent all that is pure and good and fine about Italian wine.

This is not to limit these claims to these 10 wines solely. But initially that these wines are national treasures and should be so designated.

The wines (in alphabetical order) are:
  • Aglianico del Vulture
  • Amarone della Valpolicella
  • Barbaresco
  • Barolo
  • Brunello di Montalcino
  • Chianti Riserva (Classico or Rufina only)
  • Etna Rosso (fast-tracked from DOC to DOCG +)
  • Sforzato della Valtellina
  • Taurasi
  • Vino Nobile di Montepulciano
We have hired an iconic American entertainer to publicize and promote this event; none other than Wayne Newton, who it appears was separated at birth from his counterpart in Italy, Cavaliere Martelli.

Our snappy slogan, in keeping with the European community guidelines : DOCG +, because DOCG just isn’t good enough anymore.

Special thanks to Jason Cohen of Convicted for Grape for the initial jolt of inspiration for this post. And for Wayne Newton, for just being the swell guy that he has been throughout this amazing process.Danke Schoen!


Wine Curmudgeon said...

It's a good thing you didn't run this on April 1. You'd have caused a War of the Worlds style panic.

Anonymous said...

Yes, this cheered me up. You're the migliore, AC.


Thomas said...


Next ten are white?

My alphabetical vote:

Gavi di Gavi
Greco di Tufo
Ribolla Gialla
Soave Classico
Vernaccia di San Gimignano
Vermentino di Sardegna

Do Bianchi said...

I LOVE this. :)

And so agree about Etna Rosso...

what a brilliant marketing coup would it be if the Italian government were to create a category/designation for wines that truly express italianità...

Great parody, great post, Ace... love it...

Nico said...

Good idea! I don't like the name: DOCG+ seems Google+. Anyway the eleventh can be "Sagrantino di Montefalco", please don't add more wines in this category otherwise in 3 months we will have more than 50 DOCG+ !

Thomas said...

Nico--just one more, please: Ruche di Castagnole Monferrato.

Alfonso Cevola said...

Thomas - Thanks...if i were taking this to that level, most likely those whites would be in the running. But I am thinking the next step will be the European Excellence category. In Honor of merging into the European system, I think we should add an "E" at the end ( for Excellence) - the category will be called: DOPE

Whadda ya think?

Nico - as you might have gathered, this is a "send-up". we might have wanted not to emulate Google+, but it was such an easy target.

Thanks, all, for playing along!

Do Bianchi said...

I am leaving a second comment here because the photo of Martelli/Newton just cracks me up that much!

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