Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Vinitaly 2009:The Makeover

So many crazy things happened during Vinitaly this year that there is no place to turn to but sophomoric humor. I can’t change the way the Italians think about the current “crisi” but I can change the way they look. So to lighten things up a bit on these pages (something folks have been telling me I “need” to do lately) I thought I’d call on my Hollywood make-up artist friends (actually they are friends with Bea) and see what we could do to update the look of some famous Italian wine personalities that are instrumental for turning the ship around. After all, modern wines call for modern looks; that is the essence of bella figura, no?

Angelo Gaja was honored for his family and their 150 years worth of involvement in wine. Angelo, it’s time to go green and red and fly the Italian flag proudly on your face. The green glasses show vision for a greener future and the red rug shows you still have the fires burning bright.

Dino Illuminati and long time client Adelmo Banchetti, from Dallas, Texas, are always clowning around. These guys know how to have a good time. And while both of these gents have made huge strides in their wines and their food over the years, their “look” has gotten old. So if Adelmo and Dino aren’t going to Twitter and Text, they can be at least entertaining to the young folks who are. For the makeover, we have given Adelmo his fondest wish, to be the clown with the funny nose, the flaming red hair and a hickey. Kind of a mixed message, but Adelmo likes edgy. For Dino, we have gone a little mad professor with the hair and the beard, but with the cool edge that only Jackie-O Ray-Bans can transmit. So we have fun and edge and cool and now they’re ready to embrace further modernity and the future. Avanti ragazzi!

We’re going Western with the next two gents. Think Westworld. Riccardo Cotarella had done traded in his Porsche Cayenne for a Vintage American pickup. Along with that he is ordering a slew of American oak barrels to make the complete transition for one of his special wines from the Maremma. The man is a cowboy and a driver at heart and now the vision is complete. Bravo, Riccardo.

Piero Antinori is going a little more raffinato on us. Maybe it’s the time he has been spending with his Franciacorta project and the proximity to George Clooney’s lakeside manse. In any event, Piero is kicking back, enjoying his status as the Marshall of the Maremma. Nothing gets by Piero, nothing. He sees everything and knows where all the bodies are buried. He is a Superior Tuscan.

Romano dal Forno has been talking to his son. Time to spruce up the place. Done. Now, what to do about all those years that have passed, how to upgrade the look? How about a little bad boy rocker, a cross between liev Schreiber and Sammy Hagar. Red hair is all the rage in Italy for men these days, and Romano isn’t immune to the lure of the fiery red. Yes, he has capitulated to the pressure of fashion, but with that Jim Croce ‘stache, he makes for a dashing vision of the modern winemaker in the modern times.

And finally, this wouldn’t be complete without a chime in from dear old Luca Zaia, the dashing Minister of Agriculture. Some think we don’t like Luca on this blog, by au contraire, we love Luca. And he loves us. Keeping with the musical theme, our fashionistas have chosen to give Luca a modified Beatle look, in homage to Ringo, the underappreciated one. Instead of drumsticks we have given Luca farm implements in which he can drum home his message. Doesn’t he look fab? How do we get his autograph? He is saving Italy from pineapple and kebab and giving Prosecco its rightful place alongside Champagne as one of the greatest bubblies the world has even known. And he does it all by acting naturally. Auguri, Doctor Zaia.

There you have it. This was the best, the greatest, the most modern Vinitaly ever. I’m so glad we didn’t miss it.

Next year let's do it in Vegas. The Italian's would love it. Good times!


jgmccue said...

Vegas has already done Italy, hasn’t it? What’s that Circus Maximus thingy? How about bringing Italy to Jackson Hole next year? It would fit nicely and Italians love Gran Tetons, don’t they? I’d invite you all to Idaho, after all we’re right next door, but we’re just not sophisticated enough. Ciao, Bella! That is Italian, isn’t it?

Anonymous said...

Wowsers! If this wine thing doesn't work out, perhaps there's work for you in makeup and costume design. Fun stuff.

When do I get a blog link, brother?

Alfonso Cevola said...

bl-ink completed DR


Unknown said...

How do you do that, Roy?

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