“I can’t believe I ate (and drank) the whole thing” – Italy’s Odd Couplings

 🎵 I got the poison, I got the remedy 🎵

As Americans, we can dream up some pretty goofy stuff. Foodwise, we’ve got a lock on weird. Just go to any state fair in America and you’ll see.

Not to be outdone, the Italian-American amalgam, a quasi-conspiratorial plot against authentic and traditional food and wine, has catapulted onto the scene, conjuring up wine and food combinations. This either signals the beginning of the end of days, or at the very least, presages a seismic shift from rational common sense thinking to the current craze for a pseudo-realism based on one’s one whims and fancies. Expressed herewith are a troika of such abominations that have recently been spotted in the wild, and which could foreshadow Italian wine and food culture wriggling into Mainstream American culture. Or it might simply mean the end is near. Let’s jump in.

Starting with the spicy sweet with the savory – we have a jalapeno and pineapple pizza paired with a pineapple chili (sic) wine. At first, I thought this would be a miserable pairing, in so many ways. But upon deeper cogitation, I came to realize that this might just be the perfect raison d’etre for both of these targets of opprobrium. I’m tempted to try, but I will probably stick to my default - a jalapeno and anchovy pizza with an Alto-Adige sauvignon blanc.

Next in the queue – A can of Heinz Spaghetti Carbonara pasta in a creamy sauce with pancetta, paired with a bottle of  “Orange” vino bianco, a skin-fermented blend of Malvasia (30%) and Trebbiano (70%). With a slight orange tint, this wine hits the palate with a silky texture and exotic tropical fruit flavors. Now if that doesn’t scream Carbonara, I don’t know what does. And they are both “natural.”

I only wish that Heinz had stuck some of their famous garden peas in the can. But, fellow foodies, yes we can! And we gotta get our veggies. So, let’s get creative.

[Not an A.I. image]

And for those wishing to channel their inner Giada De Laurentiis, of course you can add her secret ingredient for a fabulous Carbonara – pumpkin puree. After all, if Starbuck's can bring out their pumpkin latte in the sweltering heat of August, why can't we fly our Carbonara freak flag? And yes, the “Orange” vino bianco will work with both peas and pumpkin. Win! Win!!

And thirdly, what serious article about Italian and food wine matches would be complete without the famous lobster mac ‘n cheese? Mixing seagoing protein with dairy has long been a staple of the Italian counter-culture set. And though there are the exceptions who maintain this union is diabolical, ask folks from Rome and Naples about it and you’ll get a treatise on nonconformity.

For our purposes, however, we will peer into the abyss of heterodoxy and pair the dish with a a massive red from an ancient land - Lazio - largely Cabernet-based, with a touch of Petit Verdot and Primitivo. Oh, Moses smell the roses!

If you want more of my hot take on if you see kay, follow the link. I think I’ve said enough.

[p.s. – the company that imports and sell this wine, Vintage Wine Estates, recently declared Chapter 11 bankruptcy. “Tis a shame and a friggin’ pity.]

And this is where we’re at – in 2024 America. As James Brown says, “Whoa, I feel good!”

 

© written and visually curated by Alfonso Cevola limited rights reserved On the Wine Trail in Italy

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