This is, without a doubt, going to be one of the most important
and intense elections in America’s history, with a countdown of less than a
week to go. With certainty, the final result will be probably days, if not weeks,
away from being known on election night. And the tug of the neighborhood liquor
store will be alluring.
Seeking guidance on which libation to open on the night of November 3rd (and beyond), we curated winos from around the world to share the brews and ferments they plan to pop open in these times. No matter if they are bowing to the Made in America wine or downing a strong classic brew, these winos offer expert tips on what to consume when the situation calls for a little fortification in the drinks department.
The Best Drinks for Election Night Curated by our Winos:
- Strawberry-Kiwi Mad Dog 20/20
- Night Train
- Andre Champagne
- Blue Raspberry MD “Mad Dog” 20/20
- Everclear 190
- Red Bull
- Thunderbird
- Gallo Hearty Burgundy
- Barefoot Pink Moscato Spritzer
- Cisco Strawberry
- Night Train Express
- Richards Wild Irish Rose
- Olde English “800” 40oz
- Colt 45
- Country Club Malt Liquor
- Spaňada
- Barrymore Pinot Grigio
- J. Roget Champagne
- Cribari Chianti
- Dark Horse Pinot Grigio in a can
- Porch Pounder Moscato Wine in a can
- Beaujolais Nouveau
- Galliano
Keep reading for details about all of the recommended bottles!
“I’m gonna to heat up a spoon of oxyxontin and go to bed early on election night. My plan thereafter is to buy a bottle of Strawberry-Kiwi Mad Dog 20/20 to sip on, and watch the real drama unfold here on the street.” — Rafael “Mad Dog” Jones, Wino and street monitor, S. Pulaski St., Baltimore, MD
“Night Train Express, and keep ‘em rolling until the final siren.” — Baby Bean, Wino and ragpicker, Parker Lane, Austin, TX
“For election night, I will be drinking the Thunderbird, from the vaulted San Joaquin Valley region of California with its famous flat river bottom slopes that catch the sun, because we need a little light in these times. These grapes were even lucky enough to be born in 2019, a time when we didn’t have to worry as much about Coronavirus. Ahh, alcohol.” — Russ Lightbeater, camping on Market Street since 1989, San Francisco
“I am going to be drinking an American wine, Gallo Hearty Burgundy, and hoping that the liquor stores reopen after on election day!” — Rudy Vacio, self-proclaimed “Executive Indigent Chef and wino connoisseur” Brownsville, NY, NY
“With Election Day being in the fall, something that is both booze and fall-forward is a must. Here in Colorado, the temperature will likely be getting cooler by November, so a fortified wine will do the trick for keeping you warm and sane! I will be enjoying an old-fashioned wine Richards Wild Irish Rose. If you aren’t a huge fan of fortified wine, try a simple class American Champagne cocktail with André American Champagne and a dash of Red Bull to add some fall spice.” — Bucktooth Tony, Wino and erstwhile ski instructor Boulder, CO
“As an American in Canada, in a normal year I’d stay up and party with friends all night till the results rolled in, but this year I’m going to consider self-care as the most important thing, since it’s unlikely we’ll have any real results on the day. I’m going to enjoy a very nice bottle of fine Cisco Strawberry, my ultimate yummy comfort wine, in [an imagined] bubble bath with a vintage Playgirl magazine I’ve been saving and lots of candles. I’ll pair it with 5 grams of fentanyl (which we get very easily here in Canada) and live to fight another day.” — Grinnin' Kate Rockpile, Virtual Wino and 1980 Progressive Party Presidential candidate, Victoria, BC Canada
“I’m going to start my night with a split of Dry J. Roget Champagne, of course, and then transition to a bottle of “vintage” Cribari Chianti which I scavenged from a burnt-out fuselage of a Cessna 172 I found in Prescott, Arizona. made by two groundbreaking women, Christina Cribari and Anna Marie Cribari. They are two of the first women to make wine in Sonoma. Hopefully all of that groundbreaking energy will result in the first Black, first female, VP!” — Pancake-Flipping Williams, ex hash flipper and one of the great wino scroungers of Mendocino county, CA
“This election night, I’ll need a wine that takes my mind off of all the craziness for a second. In a nod to all my friends in Napa Valley who are going through a tough time, I’ll be opening an old bottle of Spaňada, which a friend in the wine industry told me was from Napa Valley Cabernet vineyards in the 1960’s, he said something like Torqalone, or something like that. Anyway, it’s really old and dark, so it must be really good now.” — Randy Batturydowne, Wine lover and resident wino, Billings, MT
“Country Club Malt Liquor: Honestly, malt liquor may be the only thing that makes the night better. So, pass the bottle of CC or Colt 45, as we’ll need something with a little punch as we watch the states alternate blue and red. Adding a splash of OJ may be just the reminder I need to realize that my vote has been counted and the sun will rise tomorrow (we think…). Until then, make it a double…” — Dodge City Charlie, Cowboy of the Wastes, Dodge City, KS
“I’ll be drinking a ‘40’ of Olde English “800” It’s great value, made by lovely people in a factory somewhere, as I’m prone to fantasy.” — Big Ed Proprietor, Owner, The Bench in LaFortune Park, Tulsa, OK
“Some crack cocaine I’ve been saving to stay up and watch the entire thing: BLUE Raspberry MD “Mad Dog” 20/20 because it has BLUE raspberry tones; maybe something from Italy like Stella Rosa BLUEberry because it has a BLUE hue to it; and I have an empty bottle of London No 1 Gin which has a BLUE tint to the bottle. I’m gonna put some Everclear 190 in it and pretend I’m hoity-toity — Les Genoux, MSC, former Master Safe Cracker, Chicago, IL
I will be drinking something young, energetic, and made in some innovative way on election night. I’ll be doing this for two reasons: The first is simply because those are the types of wines I’m really enjoying drinking right now. Secondly, it’s my hope that the youth will be driving this election. Climate change is a major issue at stake, and young people in our country will sadly ‘pay the bill.’ People who are older than 60 right now ( like me) will not be alive to see the full effects of the world we have created. In other words, I’ll be drinking a wine of energy and forward-thinking, not a wine that’s about pedigree or tradition. I have a can of Porch Pounder Moscato wine from my associate wino, The Other Buddy Guy, ready to go, and I was recently gifted a can of Dark Horse Pinot Grigio from a lady in an SUV at the stoplight where I work during the day.” — Lucas Lobo, Shag Carpet with Teeth, Britt, Iowa.
“Being on the East Coast, election night tends to be a long, drawn-out affair. I recommend staying away from any high-proof spirits or high-alcohol wines. An easy drinking 2015 Barrymore Pinot Grigio (which now is an awesome “orange” wine), maybe a nice dry cooking Sauternes from Safeway, Taylor cooking Sherry (which I like to believe is from the Finger Lakes district of NY, or a bottle I’ve been saving of 2016 Beaujolais Nouveau would all be great choices to have on hand. I will also have handy a mini bottle of Galliano, as you never know when something stronger might be needed to bang those walls down. — Duke Snooty the Fancypants, rail rider, (now ensconced in a freight yard in Bangor, Maine)
Playfully re-imagined from the original, with no intended disrespect to any culture, gender or lifestyle choice - by Alfonso Cevola - On the "Night Train" Wine Trail in God-Knows-Where...
