Sunday, December 11, 2016

The Top 10 Commandments of Italian Wine

With the holiday season fast approaching, and with hallowed respect for Italian wine, let’s take a moment and review the 10 Commandments of Italian Wine.

1. I am the Red, your Wine.
The first duty of wine is to be Italian, the second to be red. Italy, land of rich reds, from Barolo and Barbaresco to Amarone. From Brunello and Vino Nobile and Chianti Classico to Montepulciano and Aglianico and Etna Rosso. From Marzemino and Lagrein, from Barbera and Canaiolo. The land is rich in red and like the blood of the Saviour, must be forever worshipped. Thou shalt have no other DOCGs before me.

2. Thou shall bring no false Fiano before me.
If wine is not red, and its fate is to be white, then make no false white wine. No watered down Moscato or Pinot Grigio, no over oaked Verdicchio or Fiano. No Chardonnay pretending to be French, or worse, from the Russian River Valley. If it must be white, it must be true and pure as milk and honey.

3. Do not take the name of Barolo in vain.
Nor produce or bring false wines from Piedmont into the marketplace. If one sees Barolo for $19.99 , strike it down, like brother Moses smote the rock. Likewise with any Barbaresco you see for $9.99.

4. Remember the Brunello and keep it wholly.
Brunello shall be made solely with the Blood of Jesus, wrongly called Jupiter or Jove in ancient Latin texts. There shall be no Merlot, no Syrah, no Cabernet.

5. Honor thy Sangiovese and thy Nebbiolo.
Remember who brought you here and respect your for-bearers. Honor them at your table and treat them with respect.

6. Thou shall not kill/murder with oak.
Or oak chips, oak dust or any excess contact in wood or new, small French barrique.

7. Thou shall not commit wine adulteration.
Via micro-oxygenation, premature oxidation, diethylene glycol, acidification, excess sugar or any extract not occurring naturally.

8. Thou shall not steal wine from the South and blend it in the North.
Bring not Primitivo from Puglia and blend it in with Corvina in Valpolicella. Nor Montepucliano from Abruzzo and blend it in with Sangiovese in Chianti. Or Agliancio from Campania and blend it in with Nebbiolo in Piedmont. Never. Ever.

9. Thou shall not bear false Prosecco against your neighbor.
Love thy Prosecco as yourself. Put it not into tanks and send it hurling through tap lines in England or America. Keep thy Glera pure (and as white) as the snow of Mont Blanc, ille est Monte Bianco.

10. Thou shall not covet your neighbor's Amarone.
Nor his 1930’s Moto Guzzi, nor her Maserati Quattroporte. Nor their 16% alcohol. Do not covet what you cannot obtain by natural means.

Go forth and do all that has been commanded. Now you are ready for the Promised Land!

wine blog +  Italian wine blog + Italy W


Unknown said...

These are great!

Wine Curmnugeon said...

That damned Italian chardonnay....the work of the devil. And oak is his spawn.

Lili said...

This was great, thanks. I did have a chuckle. I am straight in at number 1. The first duty of wine is to be Italian, the second to be red. Love it!

Paul Wagner said...

Great fun, Alfonso! Thanks for the grins.

Matthew Ford said...

I laughed out loud reading this list. Thank you I needed that!

Slapdash Gourmet said...

Bravo! I chuckled throughout, and am now craving wine even more than I usually do at 11 a.m...

Yoong said...

I suppose the Commandments also stipulate Mont Blanc be called 'Monte Bianco' in no.9, no?

Alfonso Cevola said...

Yoong, you are so right. thank you!

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