Young Rebel Creamy Soft Porn Wine Marketing = Uncontrollably Juicy Italian

From the "My Way or the (Appian) High Way" dept.

"calling all cornuti"

Just when you thought wine marketers couldn’t find any further contumely avenues, they hand you a lap dance in the middle of the Via Appia. In the current iteration Italy has been ravaged with an eno-anomalism, named “if you see kay.” Cute, eh? Yeah man, the first time I heard it when I was a teenager it really got my attention, way back in, say, ’69.

I thought someone was blowing sunshine and then I scratched a little online and found the potation. Drink in some of the scintillating copy (reproduced below, verbatim, with commentary, from the website), no doubt dreamt up by a marketer who seemed to be otherwise engrossed watching HBO's Taxicab Confessions.

From the website, a prinked procession to push the timeless palliative. Marketing, in the guise of Young Rebel Creamy Soft Porn:

What, no screw-cap?

if you see kay ~ 2010 italian red wine ~ igt lazio ~ 13.5% alcohol

who is kay???

kay is a creature; she is an

embodiment of a lifestyle, a

genre, a feeling in your gut.

kay is a force of nature, a

wanderer.She represents the

philosophy of “Wide Open

Throttle or don’t bother doing

it at all”. She’s not trying

to be, she just is. Always

uncontrollable, She’s wanted.

We get it - she's loose and uncontrollable - and everybody desires her...

We don’t care about status quo, and we know

that you don’t care what varietal is on the

label, you just want to open the bottle and

think “this wine kicks ass”. Period end of

story – NO PRISONERS THANK YOU.

Tough love - appeals to the undiscerning, uncompromising sort...

if you see kay - in italy

You will know in no uncertain terms that you

are drinking a massive red from an ANCIENT

LAND — lazio — largely Cabernet-based, a

touch of Petit Verdot and Primitivo.

You’ll see her cruising through the lazio

region, just South of Rome. The climate is

almost identical to kay’s home in the Napa

Valley, warm summer days and cool nights.

Oh yeah, Napa and south of Rome are barometrically identical kissin' cousins, sure...

kay SMELLS AMAZING; she’s soft, creamy,

juicy, rich, and powerful all at the same

time. A dark and brooding wine, hints of

imminent danger, ripe with confidence and

purpose; on a mission. She’s more than a

mouthful, but never wasteful – like handfuls

of juicy ripe blackberries dripping from your

hands, so perfectly ripe that you have to go

back again and again for another taste.

Going in for the kill here; so veddy, veddy sexxy....

SURRENDER YOUR INHIBITIONS COMPLETELY, you

can have a taste of kay, but you’ll never have

her. Put the throttle down, never spit,

always swallow. Drink it while it’s here, she

won’t stick around.

This is all so compelling. It titillates and serves up a hit-or-miss shot at bringing in a whole new category of wine drinkers - sweaty-handed immature, horn-dogs, which is an untouched demographic.These marketers might have a real home run derby on their hands here.

It harkens back not to any wishy-washy, love-peace-dope, innocent 1960’s retro vibe – it spits out (not swallows) a ribald whack to enlist new entry-level wine drinkers. This could be the next massive gumby.

Ancient varieties from Rome (Lazio)? Cabernet? Petit Verdot? Primitivo? Where do they come up with this premature exudation?

Smells like a burning snafu. This is one for Diamond City. Trilly, trilly.

Zombie Alert
Oh, yeah, and if  young rebel creamy soft porn ain't your bag, how about throwing up  a little skull dougly love stripped down to rock 'n roll head bopper symbology - that'll bring 'em in - in smarmy swarms. Throw in a free pair of prostiboots and we've got ourselves an around-the-world road show moment!

Alright, alright, I get it already...

written by Alfonso Cevola limited rights reserved On the Wine Trail in Italy

 

wine blog +  Italian wine blog + Italy W