Thursday, August 16, 2012

Young Rebel Creamy Soft Porn Wine Marketing = Uncontrollably Juicy Italian

From the "My Way or the (Appian) High Way" dept.

"calling all cornuti"
Just when you thought wine marketers couldn’t find any further contumely avenues, they hand you a lap dance in the middle of the Via Appia. In the current iteration Italy has been ravaged with an eno-anomalism, named “if you see kay.” Cute, eh? Yeah man, the first time I heard it when I was a teenager it really got my attention, way back in, say, ’69.

I thought someone was blowing sunshine and then I scratched a little online and found the potation. Drink in some of the scintillating copy (reproduced below, verbatim, with commentary, from the website), no doubt dreamt up by a marketer who seemed to be otherwise engrossed watching HBO's Taxicab Confessions.

From the website, a prinked procession to push the timeless palliative. Marketing, in the guise of Young Rebel Creamy Soft Porn:



What, no screw-cap?
if you see kay ~ 2010 italian red wine ~ igt lazio ~ 13.5% alcohol
who is kay???
kay is a creature; she is an
embodiment of a lifestyle, a
genre, a feeling in your gut.
kay is a force of nature, a
wanderer.She represents the
philosophy of “Wide Open
Throttle or don’t bother doing
it at all”. She’s not trying
to be, she just is. Always
uncontrollable, She’s wanted.
We get it - she's loose and uncontrollable - and everybody desires her...
We don’t care about status quo, and we know
that you don’t care what varietal is on the
label, you just want to open the bottle and
think “this wine kicks ass”. Period end of
story – NO PRISONERS THANK YOU.
Tough love - appeals to the undiscerning, uncompromising sort...
if you see kay - in italy
You will know in no uncertain terms that you
are drinking a massive red from an ANCIENT
LAND — lazio — largely Cabernet-based, a
touch of Petite Verdot and Primitivo.
You’ll see her cruising through the lazio
region, just South of Rome. The climate is
almost identical to kay’s home in the Napa
Valley, warm summer days and cool nights.
Oh yeah, Napa and south of Rome are barometrically identical kissin' cousins, sure...
kay SMELLS AMAZING; she’s soft, creamy,
juicy, rich, and powerful all at the same
time. A dark and brooding wine, hints of
imminent danger, ripe with confidence and
purpose; on a mission. She’s more than a
mouthful, but never wasteful – like handfuls
of juicy ripe blackberries dripping from your
hands, so perfectly ripe that you have to go
back again and again for another taste.
Going in for the kill here; so veddy, veddy sexxy....
SURRENDER YOUR INHIBITIONS COMPLETELY, you
can have a taste of kay, but you’ll never have
her. Put the throttle down, never spit,
always swallow. Drink it while it’s here, she
won’t stick around.

This is all so compelling. It titillates and serves up a hit-or-miss shot at bringing in a whole new category of wine drinkers - sweaty-handed immature, horn-dogs, which is an untouched demographic.These marketers might have a real home run derby on their hands here.

It harkens back not to any wishy-washy, love-peace-dope, innocent 1960’s retro vibe – it spits out (not swallows) a ribald whack to enlist new entry-level wine drinkers. This could be the next massive gumby.

Ancient varieties from Rome (Lazio)? Cabernet? Petite Verdot? Primitivo? Where do they come up with this premature exudation?

Smells like a burning snafu. This is one for Diamond City. Trilly, trilly.

Zombie Alert
Oh, yeah, and if  young rebel creamy soft porn ain't your bag, how about throwing up  a little skull dougly love stripped down to rock 'n roll head bopper symbology - that'll bring 'em in - in smarmy swarms. Throw in a free pair of prostiboots and we've got ourselves an around-the-world road show moment!


Alright, alright, I get it already...


wine blog +  Italian wine blog + Italy W

11 comments:

Marco Guardiola said...

Caspita!
There is a screw cap available, but this is a family site so I leave it at that.

Samantha Dugan said...

Damn, I may have missed my calling...

Thomas said...

F*** Kay--pun intended?

Do Bianchi said...

"no screw cap?" had me falling out of my chair dude...

Alfonso Cevola said...

Thomas - not sure I understand...

McSnobbelier said...

Sadly this actually works as a marketing ploy, but hey what else is Lazio going to do to break the foreign markets. Frascati just hasn't figured out how to be sexy.

A client brought it into his store, sells actually. He brought one to a party and I tasted it but moved on quickly after a taste. Pretty boring, about as close to Italian wine as Layer Cake Primitivo.

Anonymous said...

You really said a mouthful. A big, creamy, warm... o never mind. :-0

Douglas said...

Call it sad, call it funny, but it's better than even money, that the guy's only doing it for some doll.... I find it sad AND funny. But what about the wine in this bottle? It's worse than the marketing!

http://www.205food.com/wine_tasting_notes/one-true-vine-if-you-see-ka.html

Do Bianchi said...

It kinda looks like Kay has BO. Well, I mean, in a sexy way...

1winedude said...

So... is this wine any good or not??? ;-)

Alfonso Cevola said...

What, IWD? You mean you didn't get a sample shipped to you, I mean w/your PB hookup and all?

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